A Rusty Pail

We have all been there: Too many things to do and not enough time, Commitments to your friends and family, or maybe the financial pressures of the world are weighing you down. I do not want to be a Debbie Downer, but sometimes life is just a full of crap gathering in a rusty pail. As you grow older, there are so many more responsibilities and challenges that come into your life. I think the biggest challenge is simply figuring out what to do with your life. This has been a big struggle for me and my husband lately. I believe we are blessed in many ways, but things just seem to be a big mess. I have no clue what type of career to have or what I should do for work. All my life I’ve really only wanted to be part of a family and have children of my own. I feel like that is what I have been called to.

Now, I’m sure there is someone out there reeling in shock that an educated woman would want to be a homemaker in this day and age. However, I cannot think of any greater joy than raising my own children. On top of that joyful thought, I think I could do well in many careers. I have a good education and have experience in many different fields. I have worked in ministry, worked in a library, worked as a copy-editor, and so many more areas. Despite this, I cannot help but feel lost in regards to where to go from here. Do I pursue the current masters degree I am in now? Do I pursue a different one? Do I start a family? Do I do nothing? All of these questions racing around make me question why God has yet to direct me. I have prayed for direction and yet I still feel lost. Does God always tell us what to do? Maybe that’s just it. Maybe God is open to all the ideas I have. Or maybe I am unwilling to listen.

A lot of these feelings come down to being lost and a sense of hopelessness. It is very difficult to choose the “right” path to take when the world has so many different ideas of what success is. It is difficult to have a feeling of success when you have very little money and you are told financial freedom is success. It is so difficult to save and to get your life on track especially after accumulating school debt. Let me tell you, debt is one of the worst things you could do to yourself. I do believe having some debt from school is an investment, but it is still a very stressful experience. Given the rant above, what is success? Should I feel successful? Should I feel successful even if I have no idea what to do with my life?

I want to say yes, but I have no idea why. A roof over my head, food to eat, and people who care are successes in some sense. However, where is God in all this despair? Maybe He is the calming force that is telling me everything will be okay while that rusty pail is filling up. Whatever it is, I will hold onto that small cry of yes until I have the means to say I am successful for… Yes.

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Change

As I mentioned in my last post, a lot has changed recently in my life. I have been struggling with these changes and feeling quite down. I am quite introverted which doesn’t always help in situations like these. I tend to think very deeply about things and want to try to think everything out before reaching a solution. However, as many of you might have already experienced, solutions don’t always present themselves right away.

I have been thinking a lot about change and have come to realize a few things about it. I used to think change was always bad. It used to mean unpredictability or chaos. Change caused a lot of anxiety when I thought about it as something bad. Recently I have started to  alter my ideas around change. Change does not always mean something bad. It is just something new. I think about nature and how each season of the year brings something new, but also something beautiful.

In this new season of life so many things have changed, but some really amazing and beautiful things have happened. Marriage is not always a popular thing to pursue. Countless people told me I was stupid to get married, that I would end up divorced, that I am too young, etc. I think they are wrong though. Yes, marriage is difficult, but it is also one of the most beautiful and fulfilling things on this earth. I believe that we are all made to love and to be in relationship with other human beings. Whether that be in a romantic relationship, a friendship or a family relationship, humans are meant to be together. I have learned so much in my first 2 months of marriage and have learned that I can love much more than I ever thought was possible. Adjusting to that change has been hard, but so worth it.

Another big change is a transition from undergraduate work to masters level work. Wow. Am I ever struggling to keep afloat. It is seriously hard to maintain relationships, work, and do school work. I have cried so many times this month about how I will be able to handle it all. Despite these darker times, I can reflect and see good coming from these trials. For example, I have learned sooooo much in such a short time. I am currently in a counselling program and it has opened my eyes to so many things that are personal strengths and weaknesses. I probably would never have learned these things if I had not started pursuing my masters degree.

I am not an expert and I am not sure if this post will be helpful to others, but it has been a good way of reminding myself of the good in depressing times. I am still trying to figure everything out myself. However, I feel better writing out my thoughts and hopefully helping at least one other person with some changes in their life. Maybe I will even continue to post updates about how I am handling these changes if it will help.

~ Katie

Life nowadays

It has been a few months since I last posted, which is horrible. I really love being able to express my thoughts and feelings here so I am going to have to make blogging a part of my everyday routine. Perhaps that process will be something worth talking about here. Over the past few months a lot has changed.

For starters, I got married! This is one bit of super exciting news, but also has taken a lot of adjusting. Along with getting married, I moved for the very first time in my life… EVER. This change is taking much more time to get used to. I’ve never really had this many responsibilities and coming from a family with no sisters, I’ve never shared my room before! Besides getting married and moving, I’ve also had another major life change. I graduated from my undergrad and started my master’s degree. This change has also been difficult, because I have never been one who has had really strong conviction to have a certain career. (Perhaps I will write more about this in another post). Basically if you add up all these life changes, I’ve been feeling a bit down in the dumps. All of these changes are so wonderful and good! However, I am not very used to change and am feeling a little bit lost as I try to adjust. These adjustments have made me realize that I’ve sort of lost myself in all of life’s busyness this past year. With planning a wedding, finishing my degree, and working, I have been quite overwhelmed. To help with some of the feelings, I am trying to make sure that I have time for self-care. I have realized that I am terrible at relaxing! I seriously need to learn how to relax and develop a hobby that I can do each week. Maybe blogging will become one of those hobbies, but I am also looking into some other hobbies.

Do you have any suggestions for adjusting to big life changes? Any good hobbies to try?

~ Katie

No Posts!

Wow. It has been forever!

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! Happy Winter! What else has there been?

I’m sorry that neither of us having been posting much recently. We are both completing our final year of university and life has been hectic! Secondly, we have some pretty big news.

WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!

We got engaged in late October, but have so busy with school and work that we haven’t had the time to share the great news here. I know Jeremy has some posts almost ready to share with you all and I have some brewing in my mind as well. I can’t promise we will post every day, but we will do our best to keep sharing our ideas with you when we can!

Happy January!

Katie

Hiding in my Corner of the World

I don’t know what to write here, but I know I have something to say. I have not been writing blog posts at all lately. My world has been a swirl of chaos, anxiety, and stress lately. I may have mentioned before that I am completing my undergrad, which is harder than I thought. There are financial burdens and assignments, but I am experiencing something that I did not expect.

According to my psychology major friends, it is fourth-year syndrome. Lack of motivation coupled with fear of the unknown beyond graduation and a desire to do well in the final spirit to the finish line. It is really hard to do anything when your motivation seems to be dampened by a soaking cloud of darkness.

I have had fears of not knowing why the heck I ever pursued an undergrad and why the heck I chose this field of study. What does a person do with a philosophy degree? Realistically, a lot can be done with any degree, if not only for self growth. But you see, I have a strong belief that there is a God and that he has a plan for my life. I don’t think that he determines my every choice, but I really do belief that He will use my degree for something meaningful in life. Maybe its because I am a worrier, or as another friend of mine has suggested, that I am a Type A personality, but I have often felt very confused about what steps I should take from here.

This post is kind of turning into a rant, but maybe one of you are experiencing the same thing. It really sucks to not knowing what lays ahead of you. Despite this all, there are something that are really helpful and nice to cling to. Firstly, God loves us even if no one else does. Secondly, I’m sure there are people who love each of us. Thirdly, there is always someone willing to help make your dreams happen.

I’m not sure what else to say except that I was glad I could share this with you all. I find writing so releasing and really hope to do it more. There are so many half-finished posts just waiting to be read by you all! I’ll have to work to finish those.

Until next time,

Katie

I’m Back! …. Again….

Hi Everyone,

I am back again and this time to stay. I feel much better now even though I am still having some trouble eating like normal. I’m hoping that I can eat whatever I want again in a few days. I am deeply craving chocolate, but it is a bit too hard to eat at this stage. Besides the surgery I had recently, I’ve also moved back to my university. Classes start tomorrow which is pretty exciting, but it is also a bit frightening. Regardless, I want to keep posting on the blog as often as I can and have some ideas for future posts. I am planning on writing some of these ideas out today and possibly even posting some. Look forward to those!

Until next time,

Katie

I’m back!

Its been a few days, but I wanted to let you know that I survived! I’m still not feeling my best and probably won’t be for another while. However, I wanted to post a quick something for you guys despite being hopped up on painkillers and looking like a chipmunk. I thought it might be fitting to talk about some well learned lessons that have come from my wisdom teeth extraction. It was an interesting experience, but it had some cool parts to it too.

  1. Don’t freak out too much.

I freaked out so much before hand I couldn’t eat or sleep properly for a week. This is not the best idea if it can be avoided. In the end, I wasn’t freaked out when I sat in the operating room, but I feel like I wasted a lot of time being freaked out.

2. Take photos of the teeth.

If you want to see the teeth, take a photo of them. My oral surgeon doesn’t allow patients to take their teeth home, but I wanted to see them. Thinking back, I don’t actually remember seeing them even though I know that I did. I’m very thankful I took photos of them. Perhaps I will show you guys if you want. The fun thing about having a picture is to see how big they were and what they looked like. I was surprised how big the teeth actually were.

3. Have stuff to eat.

I love food. Not being able to eat normally is driving me crazy, but I am glad that I put aside some foods ahead of time to eat. Instant breakfast shakes, pudding, ice cream and jello have been very helpful these past few days. Surprisingly cheese cake has been a great option too.

So there you have it, my top three take-away lessons from having my wisdom teeth removed. I’m sure there are plenty of other things I could take away from this experience, but I will let the healing continue and post on those later.

Until next time,

Katie

Wait Mister Postman

I’ve scheduled this post ahead of time to give you a little heads up. Today I am getting my wisdom teeth out. I’m not sure when I will be okay to post again, but hopefully soon. I’ve scheduled a a few posts for next week so look forward to those, but other than that, postings may be slim. Perhaps Jer will be able to post a few for you to enjoy! In the meantime, the song Please Mr. Postman came to mind so maybe you can enjoy listening to that while any other posts are in the process of being made.

Until Next time,

Katie

Sunday Funday?

Hey there!

I had something else planned to post today, but I unfortunately won’t be able to finish that piece for tonight. I’ll be honest, I’m really tired. Sundays are usually really great days for me. I get to go to church, spend time with my boyfriend, cook great food and relax. However, this week is a bit different for me. I’ve been really stressed. Actually, anxious. At the end of this week I am having my wisdom teeth removed and it has been freaking me out! I’m a bit older than most people who get them out, but luckily they are pretty straight so it should be very easy to remove. I suppose the unknown experience is unsettling, but I’m starting to feel a bit better about it for now. I just need to catch up on lost sleep and try to remain calm as best as I can! You can look forward to seeing more posts soon, but just be warned that posts might be less next week due to healing.

Until next time,

Katie

Beautifying Zee Blog

In case you haven’t noticed, some changes have been made to the blog. At the top of the page you can now look up blog posts by category! This is something that I have wanted set up since day one, but had a very hard time figuring out. After a lot of googling and observing other blogs, I finally figured it out. WordPress has a lot of good guides for newbie bloggers. I highly recommend spending some time on there if you can. I hope this small change helps make it easier for you to enjoy reading on the site. I also changed the theme to a more clean and open look. Hopefully it will be easier to read this way as well. As for the rest of the blog, I’m in the process of getting more photos for the pages and have some other cool ideas up my sleeves. Please let me know if there is anything you would like to see on the blog and I’ll do my best to make it happen!

Katie